The Answer

What is The Black Community? At one point in my life the answer to this question seemed very clear and easy to answer. If you are black, you are a member of the community. Admission was determined by white supremacy. If they could sense even a drop of negro blood in you, they sent you on over (as long as you survived the interaction). However, post Civil Rights Act, there has been a gradual shift. My parents lived through the civil rights movement and were the first generation to benefit from that. Their parents lived through Jim Crow. I have a direct link to people (alive and dead), that raised me, who survived high octane white rage. 

That point of reference was never lost on me as a child of a successful black man and a black woman who wanted a suburban education for her daughters. I wasn't raised in the struggle, but I was adjacent to those who were. On my father's side, my family left Tennessee to seek better opportunities for their children.  My great uncle was deaf and needed a specialized school, so they came to Dayton, OH. My great aunt who I loved dearly, was the first black valedictorian of her high school. My great aunt in all her brilliance, worked to send my grandfather to Central State, an HBCU, forgoing her own college education. I honestly see my family history as very privileged for my community. My mother's family escaped Alabama and my great grandfather was able to work his way up at US Steel in Pittsburgh, PA. He bought a large and beautiful home for his family that is still family owned. My ancestors were preachers that owned churches, trailblazers, successful in their chosen professions. They made it out of the trap of the Jim Crow south and enabled me to grow up in the suburbs of Dayton, OH. I was protected and shielded from the worst of what society has in store for black girls. My charmed childhood does not diminish my blackness. It does not make me immune to the worst of what society has in store for black women.

We are now four generations post Civil Rights Act. In the four generations that have been born with "all of their rights" there has been a shift in solidarity and unity within The Black Community. I am seeing exclusion and infighting more than ever before. While simultaneously seeing cookout invites and pandering to whites at an all time high. I have some questions for us to invoke thought. Why do you want acceptance from people who hate you? Why do you want to emulate thieves, murderers and rapists? What does acceptance from whites really mean to you? What and/or who, are you willing to sacrifice to gain this acceptance? Do you feel accepted by The Black Community? Keep answering these questions internally as we continue.

Now let's get to the title of this post. We are going to do this in levels, because I believe in meeting people where they are. The simple answer is love. The semi-complex answer is TRUE love of self. The true answer is loving yourself and your community so much that it is self-sustaining. You don't need anything from outside because everything you need is available within the community. An intentional, loving and proud community is able to stand strong on its own. It polices itself and handles problems fairly and consistently. Every community member has value no matter what they contribute. Your level of contribution does not equal power but pride. Making others smile, giving inspiration in any form and promoting joy is just as important as teaching, healing and labor. The answer is life as it should be lived, versus fighting and failing to be included in something that was never meant for you. 

My people will be free when we realize that we already have everything that we need. The enslavement of our minds is the final chain holding us back. Aspiring to capitalism, patriarchy or supremacy is a doomed path that we must exit immediately. We must take control and change our trajectory. Through love, not force. Through cooperation, not resentment. We have to determine what the price of admission into The Black Community is. It is ours to keep, love and cherish. It is also ours to lose through continued division and individualism. It's not about YOU, it's about US. We are a tribe and we're all we have. 

Our varied experiences and backgrounds enrich us. We need to be open to the perspectives of our community members. We need to know what is wrong with Candice Owens. We need to know why Tyler Perry thinks his movies and shows are appropriate. We need to examine how we are failing our children. We have to get to the root of our problems and road blocks in order to repair and resolve them. I'm talking to myself just as much as I am talking to you. We all have self work to do so that we can show up in the community the right way. However, we must accept each other's flaws and short comings. We must learn how to police ourselves with love instead of discarding those who act out. I truly believe the worst of us are the most lost. Over the course of their lives they were exposed to negativity that altered their world view. Questioning Diddy's childhood is just as necessary as convicting him of his crimes. Individuality is a farce. None of us were made in a vacuum. We are all influenced by the actions of others. We are all trying to be like someone. We all need to be seen by someone. 

In closing, I want to say that I am aspiring to love you all. My complex trauma created some barriers and I am doing the work to overcome them. I have to learn to separate the actions from the soul. Because I really hate the way many of us act. What work do you need to do in order to be a better community member?

TBC! We all we got!🫶🏽